How many of you remember these famed opening lines to A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens? So fitting when written, fitting, it seemed, when first I read them, and fitting today as the state of our world moves me to write once again.
In so many ways, for me, this is the best of times. My husband and I are retired and enjoying our hobbies and travel. We have two precious grandchildren that live nearby and brighten our days beyond anything we could have imagined. We have a community of friends that we enjoy. And our health is still good. It's more than we asked for and far more than we deserve. Yet, there is a dark side, and I know you feel it too.
This logically would be the paragraph where, having just listed the good things in my life, I would now list the bad ones. I can't put you through that. We each have our own, and mine are so minor compared to others'. Even so, darkness does seep into the events of our days.
I often struggle with worry and fear. The kind that wakes you up at 3:00 in the morning and grows and grows until sun-up. My defense has always been my faith, His word, and prayer. And though at times I have found myself caught in despair and waiting for answers, even briefly doubting my faith, He always came through.
The following poem was written a few years ago when I was struggling with depression. My prayer is that it speaks to someone today.
I know that you walk with me, Lord,
Each and every day,
But sometimes I can't feel you,
And I hate to feel that way.
I bow my head and try to pray,
And still I feel alone.
What bars the way?
What must I say?
For what sins must I atone?
I want to feel your presence
As I've felt it in the past.
What caused this separation, Lord,
And how long must it last?
Is there a lesson I must learn?
I'm searching for the one?
Are there still sins I must confess?
Expose them, every one.
By faith I will continue, Lord,
And hold my memories near
Of times when you revealed yourself
And made my pathways clear.
I'll march into tomorrow,
And I'll lean upon your word.
I'll trust, because I know you,
That my cries have all been heard.
I'll count my blessings daily,
And I'll praise you all my days;
And humbly I'll remind myself
You're not the one who strays.
This poem itself's a journey,
For I started in despair,
But somewhere in the writing,
It became a heartfelt prayer.
I've found comfort in your presence, Lord,
Direction in your word,
And again I am rejoicing,
Knowing every prayer is heard.
